Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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