Say something about gay babies.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
