This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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