So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
