Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i now understand why vodka
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
