If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
