he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Duck Duck Cougar?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
