did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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