I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
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You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
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the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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