I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
