You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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