I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
