He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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