sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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