i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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