tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
