I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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