Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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