It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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