How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
