He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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