i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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