I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
