Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize