I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
