What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
