Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
