she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize