How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
foreskin is a definite game changer
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
