I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
