I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
this just has baby written all over it
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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