I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
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The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
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I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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