That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
