I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
