god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
