He disabled his match.com account in front of me
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
