some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize