when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
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At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
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I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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