God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
