i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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