Plan B is the new Plan A
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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