I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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