one two three fourrrrnication!
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
