Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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