You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
