When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I cockslap morals
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
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