epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
