I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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