I just cut my nipple shaving
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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