he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
