If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
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