Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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