Your face is a jimmy john
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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