My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
