I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
