I think my fart just growled at me.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
