He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
