Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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