Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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