Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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