Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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