How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
