So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
my poor anus
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
