Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
