I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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