Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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