Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
