I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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