Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Randomize
