do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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