its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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