They should really pass out barf bags in church
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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