I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
