He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
