What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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